tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67933474470946043572024-02-20T01:51:58.879-08:00UndercurrentsThe truth often lies beneath the surface.zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-63010498739423076312010-01-22T06:36:00.001-08:002010-01-22T06:36:34.140-08:00Self Control<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; ">I can hold<br />desire in check,<br />till my penis grows<br />longer than my memory</span>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-84911653517441280212010-01-22T06:31:00.001-08:002010-01-22T06:31:39.650-08:00Bound<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">The gifts are missing and</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">the evidence has all</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">but disappeared into</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">the pockets of a trickster</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">and his friends, without amend.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">In the light of discovery</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">the emptiness was viewed</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">but then ignored, as many </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">who had witnessed became</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">bored, with their discord.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">A claim was forbidden </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">and those who held opinion</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">faded back into the corners</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">and the hollows marked by</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">fear, and would not hear. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"> </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I was bound to stumble,</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I was bound to equate</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">triumph with redemption</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">and all the tiny ravers </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">said “amen, so be it then”</span></p>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-89643214114719419512010-01-22T06:29:00.000-08:002010-01-22T06:30:01.812-08:00But Not For You<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">You may judge me when</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">you’ve been sequestered</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">and immobilized by fear</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">With every thought a plea</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">for welfare or survival</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">You may tell me that</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">this too shall pass if you</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">have made the journey</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">safely out of crushing darkness</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">to a place of sanctuary</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">You may hear this if you feel</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">your heart could break at </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">any moment for the ones</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">who suffer thus without relief</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">but not for you</span></p>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-54506371319398750352010-01-22T06:24:00.000-08:002010-01-22T06:25:56.923-08:00Depression<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Movement is slow. Thoughts take position and remain for hours,</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">surrounded by nascent, scurrying demiurges signaling destruction.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">The stuckness of it feels overwhelming.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">No forward yearning , no backward insight.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Hung...</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"> and</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"> hung...</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"> and</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"> hung...</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Till falling, failing, welcomes darkness.</span></p>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-49911000613004498322010-01-22T06:17:00.000-08:002010-01-22T06:49:14.455-08:00Best of Luck<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">She’s acting fearless again.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Withholding her drab secret,</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">two cigarettes burning at once.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Her eyes seem tired and distant</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">without her usual battered grin.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">As if she'd been struck too often </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">by ambiguous verbal jabs.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Holding on to confidence that’s</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">slipping from her mind like</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">marbles falling through the broken</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">corner of a sopping paper sack.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">She’s restored when she’s alone.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">She settles into partial comfort</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">and compares the risk of loving</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">with memories of consequence.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">When I come by to see her,</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I taste sugar on her tongue.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I feel the space that she’s allowed</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">for my unspoken misconceptions.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">She’s not as fragile as she looks.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">And because her heart creates</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">the now belonging that I seek,</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">I find I miss her.</span></p>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-82175075570561610562010-01-22T06:08:00.000-08:002010-01-22T06:09:51.480-08:00Anxiety<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Jiggling, bouncing, scraping bottom</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">sensing nuance moving faster than</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">the mind can comprehend.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Along and weaving in and out of</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">dreadful, flashing, ghostly patterns</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">pooled in depths left unexplored.</span></p>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-39471086806825649582008-11-13T20:28:00.000-08:002008-11-13T22:48:52.796-08:00Opposition OverloadThe problem with understanding is that it relies on perception, and perception is an individual activity with subjective results. Unless individuals agree on the meaning of words in a particular context, it becomes virtually impossible to achieve mutual understanding. Often it seems that the result of this effort is a form of judgement leading to rejection not only of the idea put forth, but of the person stating the idea, and a subsequent prejudice toward all ideas of that nature and all people who espouse them. Welcome to the Global War on Egalitarianism.<div><br /></div><div>It doesn't seem to matter what the issue is, age, race, religion, politics, morality, philosophy, etc., or just a personal taste in recreation, art, music, style, ad <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">infinitum</span>. There are plenty of arguments available, and multiple sides to take.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't mean to denigrate, or minimize the significance of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">anyone's</span> point of view. I just want to say, I'm exhausted. While the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">neuro</span>-hormonal rush that comes from grappling with weighty, or even less consequential matters can be exciting in the short term, eventually I just feel drained. I wonder too if this will become another addiction among many I've practiced, if it isn't curbed. Now, before anyone starts reaching for their high horse's saddle, let me bring my thoughts to a conclusion.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the months I've spent online, joining, sometimes posting, but most often lurking in groups and fora, I've yet to find a comfort zone. I'm not sure exactly what that implies about me, or the people I've encountered. It seems that I've noticed more the tendency to object than agree, to defend than examine. Are there people who's desire for understanding transcends individual issues and prejudices? Will my own biases preclude me from recognizing, or accepting them? Am I an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">asshat</span> for even thinking about this? I wish I knew.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-86162387917923953622008-09-02T13:32:00.000-07:002008-09-02T14:05:14.445-07:00HypnagogiaCocooned by warmth in twilight of awareness,<div>Mixed voices probe and penetrate my mind.</div><div>As if from far away, on restless tides of air</div><div>They gather here from the span of time.</div><div><br /></div><div>Come join us in our aeon of communion.</div><div>Abjure this steadfast solitude that binds</div><div>Tendrils of desire to a monolith of care,</div><div>And enervates the heart's desire to climb.</div><div><br /></div><div>Too soon the chorus falls below a whisper,</div><div>Oblivion has claimed it's place in line.</div><div>Till it's diurnal means whose end I gladly share</div><div>Restore me to a finite realm that's mine.</div>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-5302730450600438892008-07-01T12:16:00.000-07:002008-07-01T12:22:31.955-07:00Hidden AwayEverywhere I go I feel<div>the aching hearts of those</div><div>who crave escape from their</div><div>own poisonous reflection.</div><div>The thought, and then</div><div>waves of crushing guilt,</div><div>a chilling glance at</div><div>inner visions of rejection.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am caught, I am bound,</div><div>crying out within the confines</div><div>of my self-imposed seclusion.</div><div>Like many whom I meet,</div><div>I am hesitant to offer</div><div>more than casual concern.</div><div>I preserve the sanctity</div><div>of my equivocal illusion.</div>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-72847645327434144492008-06-12T14:59:00.000-07:002008-06-12T15:02:22.491-07:00Past DanceSometimes,<div>remembering</div><div>the past is like</div><div>dancing in dense fog.</div><div>Straining to hear</div><div>the close,</div><div>but muffled music</div><div>made by ghosts,</div><div>spiritual vampires,</div><div>a gestalt menagerie.</div>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-41763392992228681952008-05-30T15:21:00.000-07:002008-05-30T15:31:41.231-07:00A Question of HopeThoughts will wander far from me,<div>through a past, or future place.</div><div>At times so much I'll over look</div><div>the present moment's grace.</div><div>Memories may feed my soul,</div><div>or starve it till it's weak.</div><div>Dreams of what may come,</div><div>or not, in ways seductive speak.</div><div>If I could learn to apprehend</div><div>the fulness that is now,</div><div>might memories be banquets</div><div>and dreams come true somehow?</div>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793347447094604357.post-87330976369224074112008-05-27T20:37:00.000-07:002008-05-30T15:21:06.634-07:00Occasional DaysThe door of my heart<div><br /></div><div>though never locked<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>may be frozen in place</div><div><br /></div><div>on occasional days</div><div><br /></div><div>when the dampness of tears</div><div><br /></div><div>and rough ragged breaths</div><div><br /></div><div>fills the stifling air.</div>zefferushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18027534644312202885noreply@blogger.com0